I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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