I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
