HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
