HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
