Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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