Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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