I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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