i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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