I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
