I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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