I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
