i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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