Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
