This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
