Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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