I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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