We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
