how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
