when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
