Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.