I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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