I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
