Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
