So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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