I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We need to get me chipped asap
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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