I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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