I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
