she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
