this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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