he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
