while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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