I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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