So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
