Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
