i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
