Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize