i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
