you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
