The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
