Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
MIDGETS
????
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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