Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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