if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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