My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
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At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
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Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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