I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
