my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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