i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
