Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
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My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
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My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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