I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
