So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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