Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize