How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia