You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
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So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?