Jerry, you need to find god
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him