physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
