He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
