so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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