Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
