whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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