i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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