I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
