I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
