Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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