I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
