you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
