What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
