just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
