Little spoons don't ask big questions
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
