i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
