i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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