Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
