Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
