so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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